First Week

I thought having a nice maternal instinct would be enough once you are a real mother. I thought things would just fall into their right places. That answers, solutions and know hows would just come out of nowhere. That things would be kinda easy and smooth sailing.

In the hospital, the first night was a little ok. I thought I'd be able to sleep the night away but since my baby will no longer stay in the nursery and would be in the room with us, I had to wake up a few times to breast feed her. But since I am still tired and a little sedated, it was nanay who did most of the taking care of baby. Sunday came, and as much as I want to sleep when Pipay sleeps, I was not able to because of the visitors and the nurses and doctors checks my BP and my temp and baby's temp too.

Sunday night was just me and Phil. It was our first night with just the 3 of us. There was a lot of crying. And sometimes we don't know what's wrong.  I started to think that maybe I don't have milk. And well, confidence level dropped big-time. We survived. Tired yet happy and excited to go home with new family member.

First night at home was not as ok as the nights in the hospital. She was set to sleep in her crib but she kept on crying and sometimes I don't know why.  Nanay, kept baby beside her and she stopped crying. I didn't sleep well since I kept on checking on her. Also, sometimes she can't latch properly on my breast. I was convinced that my breasts are not producing milk

The following day, I was paranoid. She didn't poop, and this was the 2nd day. She slept all day. She cried a lot and sleep a lot. Phil went to work but nanay was there to help me. I was a little happy that when I tried to express milk by hand, there was a little drop of milk. Confidence went one level up and I felt really happy.

After 2 days of no poop, she finally pooped. It was dark green (meconium) similar to the ones she pooped when we were in the hospital. Then after that her poops are yellow liquid. Which made me worry again. Is it diarrhea? What did I eat that caused her to poop to be like that?

More than once, in our first week, I wanted to bring her to the hospital to be checked or to text/call her pedia for opinion. Million of times I visited google and read, watched and listened to a lot of things, to at least feel a little better.

When her poop was Ok (the same as the ones posted in many mother-and-newborn-friendly websites), I felt a little better.

Lack of sleep, worries and more. I have experienced baby blues. I know I have to tell Phil whenever I feel sad or if I just wanted to cry. I need him for support. And thankfully, he was just what I needed.

Well, let's just say that I have a lot to learn, a lot to do and a lot to enjoy.