I am a sentimental person. And I am 'emo' too! There are days where I longed for the days that are already done. I miss my childhood. I miss the day where I run in the fields and climb trees in our province. I miss my cousins and my childhood friends, some of them we have already grown apart.
I remember Pipay's first night in our house. Her cry, the light, my panic. I miss her being smaller. I miss her tricks and the firsts we shared together. I know she will grow old, but I wish it would be slower. I to be able to remember everything someday. I want every moment stored in my heart. But will not wait. She will not wait for me to grasp everything first before she do her next trick, before she reach a new milestone.
My MS thesis adviser, who is a mother of two, shared a link on her Facebook page. I read it. The title is How to Miss a Childhood. I read it and shared it to my husband. We were both teary after reading it. Because the point hits home. We are both working with computers. Him as a faculty in Computer Science, and I as a programmer and soon to be faculty in the same field. See? We are both working with the 21st century stuff, with the ever changing technology. Both our works involved checking emails frequently and being in front of the computer more than 8 hours a day.
When I read the blog, I realized that I missed, missing and would miss a lot of my daughter's childhood. For around 2 months now, I've been playing with my phone whenever I remember. And that is almost every 2 hours since the game I was playing, Hay Day (a farming game) requires me to tend to my crops and other game stuff almost every hour or so. When she was smaller, I usually get my tablet device beside me at night so when I woke up in the middle of the night to feed her or to cradle her, I would be able to play. Also, when I breastfeed her, I am playing at the same time.
After reading the article, both of us decided to limit our phone, tablet or computer use when we are with her. It is hard given our work. But we will. The first thing I did was, uninstall the game on my phone and stop playing with it when we are together. I want to make sure that we will have an eye to eye during breastfeeding time. I want to be in full attention when we are playing. Or when we are making funny noises. I want her to know that the sounds I make in response to the sounds she make are genuine and not just absent-minded responses.
I was able to limit my phone use for the last 2 days. And I am happy with it. I am grateful that I was able to realize all this early on. She's just 9 months and half. So luckily, I did not miss a lot yet. Her childhood, although fast, is still long and would be full of memories to cherish and enjoy.
I plan to witness all the milestones and be there during mold and guide her according to the principles I learned. I learned before that 'Principle is not a principle until it cost you something'. The principle of being hands-on undistracted mom would cost me the price of being always online and being able to try new entertainment using new gadgets. But I know in my heart that what I'll give up is nothing as compare to making my child feel loved, important and cared.
Lez go mommys! Let's give our kids the time they deserve! Aja!
