Reality

When someone else knows, mas nagiging real pala. Phil is currently talking to his family about our news, and I realized, totoo na pala talaga. Siguro mas iba rin yung reality bite kung sa bibig ko naman manggagaling. Yay!

But still, naiisip ko pa rin. Paano kung hindi nga ako preggy? Tapos nasabi na namin sa iba? Well, mukhang that is not the case din naman.

Nakakatawa pa, si manix, bumati ng happy new year tapos mommy rose ang tinawag sakin. Yay!

Baby, excited na akong makita ka after less than 9 months. Maging strong ka rin dyan sa tyan ni mommy ha. Sorry kung wala akong masyadong magawa sa situation natin minsan, hindi pa kasi alam ng mga tao dito sa bahay na andyan ka na.

Phil, thank you. For standing up for me. For loving me, and for planning the future for me and baby. Thank you for everything. Sorry rin kung moody masyado at naiinis sayo lagi. Be strong lang din boss love ha. I love you sobra.

I'm Pregnant...

for real.

I never thought that this, this very special 9month-long event, would be like this. It started as a joke since my period was delayed. It should be last Dec 7, 2012 and wala pa rin til now. After a few days, we bought 4 pregnancy test kits in Mercury Katips Branch, and we were shocked that it costs 130pesos (internet says it costs 77 lang). And we tested for 4 consecutive days. All are negative. I was a bit convinced then that my period was just delayed, like it used to back in college. But since no period could mean preggy na me, we tested again when we stayed in Lancaster. We bought 4 Blue Cross PT kit. The first was ok, since it was a clear negative. The second one was a bit confusing, since the boss thought he saw a faint line on the test bond. So what he did is, he tested his own urine :) but of course, negative. So to make it clear, I tested the following day. It was negative then. After that was a very sad a painful moment in our relationship. During those moments, I still don't have my period and I am hurting so much. And I thought, I cannot be pregnant. I should not be pregnant with all those negative feelings and thoughts in me. And it made me worry that I could be pregnant. So I bought 2 kits (for 60 something pesos) and tested it the morning of Dec 26th. And I saw a faint line too. So when we met in Park Villa that same day, we both saw the faint line. So we bought another 3 PT kits, same thing, just faint line and we doubted our timing too.

So we decided to go to an OB last Dec 27. And since this is something my family should not know right away, I asked Phil to do it somewhere far. Thus, Healthway in Shangrila Mall. The consultation fee was 1000pesos. I told the doctor that I saw a faint line, and she said, "It's still positive". So preggy nanga daw ako. She then said that I can have an ultrasound na, I even asked. "This early?" and she said yes. So binayaran ni Phil yung ultra sound for 1700pesos. But then, walang nakitang baby. She said, it could be that my ovulation was late and the baby is not 7-8 weeks as she calculated based on my last period (Nov 7, 1st day). And another down.

We are back to unsure. I want to be sure so we can do the next steps already. So I had my blood checked for HCG count in New World (Beta HCG quantitative test costs 550pesos only as compared to 2400+ in healthway). According to all articles that we read, less than 5 mIU/ml is normal for females and more than that could mean pregnancy. My result was 197. It was not stated if its mIU/ml or something else. But well, why would they write something with different unit from the most common and really used unit? So yeah, it could mean pregnant (it could be something else, but being pregnant is much better than having cancer).

I am pregnant. I still, a little, can't believe that there is a life forming inside me right now. Yes, I have some of the symptoms, and yes the result would indicate that as well, but still, it was a little hard to believe.  May be because, I cannot feel it yet, or maybe because we were just the ones who interpreted the result.

I may be able to believe that I am with a child, I really want it now. I am scared. And there are a lot of things I am worried about, and scared to death, but I want this. I want this to be perfect. To be honest, it was really hard not to do the things I used to do. Lifting things, skipping a meal, running etc. It was a little weird to think that something is affected by the things that I do or not do. I am worried that I am not doing things properly or that I am not prepared enough (I did not take any vitamins before this pregnancy).

Pero kakayanin. Kakayanin lalo dahil andyan naman si Phil. A lot more to prepare, plan and talk about. Aja mommy rose!

Extreme wetness na nakakabalisa. Feeling ko may tagos, but apparently, hindi pa naman. This is an indication that may period is near, sana. Hindi din naman ata yan sign of pregnancy. Nakakainis lang that I have to go to the restroom everynow and then to check if it is blood already. Ayoko namang magkatagos, nakaskirt pa naman, mahahalata bigtime.

My tummy is acting real weird too. I guess because of the tension and stress. Nasusuka ako na ewan. Haaay. Kanina, nagugutom ako pero nung nagfrench toast hindi ko rin naman makain. Ang lamig pa. Kahit naka jacket, malamig pa rin sa likod. Wala naman sa bandang likod ko yung aircon. Haay..

Ok na rin to, at least I don't have to worry about getting additional pounds this season.

18th day na delayed. I don't feel anything, so I know na wala pa. SObrang stressed at kapupuyat lang siguro kaya delayed. Pero at this moment, I am hoping really really hard na wala pang nabuo. Kung meron man, kawawa naman ang anak ko. Lumalangoy na sya sa sama  ng loob. Malamang balisang balisa na sya. Baka nagugutom na rin. Haaay. Sana talaga wala pa. Please, on a normal happy day, I'd very happy kung meron na. Pero not now, wag ngayon na malabo ang lahat.